My underwear smells like fireworks.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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