Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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