we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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