I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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