Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
