I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
