apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
