Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
