It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
