I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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