No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
