the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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