just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
