So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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