I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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