Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
