apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
