Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
