It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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