I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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