This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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