someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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