I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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