I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
