he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
