hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
