I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
