Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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