i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't turn off my feet"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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