I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
