just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
