if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
