i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
There's always time for handjobs
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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