what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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