so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
