Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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