I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
