you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
