It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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