My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
