I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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