i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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