If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We named our party play list daddy issues
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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