Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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