How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
