she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
