Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
