I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
