i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
