man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
