I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
