I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
