Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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