haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
People in love make me want to vomit
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
