He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
