Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
